I didn't plan for Fenelon's letters to end right before Pentecost Sunday, but it's fitting. God's "instruction" through Fenelon has ended; now, the Holy Spirit must come and make me into the man Fenelon has been teaching me to be.
When I started reading Fenelon, I was more depressed than ever before. Everything I wanted but didn't have was dangled in front of me; mocking me, tempting me to curse God and die. I despaired of who I was, and I no longer wanted Christ. I tried finding every excuse to leave, but of course, I found no excuse. So I was stuck between a rock and a hard place: no longer satisfied in Christ, but unable to deceive myself into thinking it was logical to abandon Christianity.
But being stuck proved the best thing for me. It gave me the space to (involuntarily) wait on God, and it made me learn how to vocalize what I felt. I shed my religious exterior and, for the first time, told people who expected more of me that I pretty much hated God and wanted out.
That honesty was what God was getting at, and it was the beginning of death. I learned to accept my imperfections, sins, and general bad attitude. Whether I sinned, rebelled, became angry, or unloving, I'd always have Jesus Christ available to me. In some respects, this was the hardest thing to accept. Receiving that kind of grace from God made my pride recoil in horror and start to take its last breaths.
As I opened up, like a patient undergoing open heart surgery, and allowed God to see who I really was, the depression began to wane, and I found a confident assurance in my friendship with God.
I'll always be thankful to Fenelon for smacking me upside the head and making me realize that everything that was and is wrong with me has absolutely no bearing on whether or not I can have joy. There was no more room for self pity. I was stuck with existential dread simply because I didn't want to die; my Self had been screaming out loud for more and more life.
After every disappointment in life would come the chorus, What about me? What about me? What about me? But now, after some crushing blow, I might be more apt to say, "Well, what about you, God? Where are you taking me? Where are you in this?" And as I find God in every situation, good or bad, I end up finding my true self and real life.
Everything's not roses for me now, that's for sure. Even the past few weeks have had their difficulties for various reasons. I've been very sad at times; I've seen and longed for things I wanted; I've been afraid of things not working out for me; I've sinned; I've cried. But I've gone through all of it with Jesus Christ, and that's the difference. I didn't shut Him out. I didn't blame Him for my woes. I didn't complain about manna, when I could have had meat in Egypt. I went through every trial with Him right by my side, as a true Friend, rather than only as Master.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
The Circumcision of the Heart
Dear Dandler,
This is my final letter regarding death to Self. There's other business you must now attend to, and I've already given you much to meditate on.
In all that you do for God, remember your tendency to serve others from a natural generosity and a refined self-love. It may soon turn into dislike and despair. Keep this in mind, and guard yourself.
Have you ever noticed how people in the world, who don't know Christ, can often seem nicer and more generous than those in the Church? But the truth is this: real charity comes from God. It's simple, loving everyone the same way, whether friend or enemy, because it's humble, never thinking of the Self and how it's been treated. This kind of love, born of God, will keep you in your service to others.
In your journey of faith, it's important to remember that it's by circumcision of the heart, rather than by self-effort, that we're made children of Abraham, so that we can leave our native country behind and inherit the Promised Land. With this attitude, you'll be blessed, just as he was. We must leave all behind, and give ourselves over to God, who is nevertheless a jealous God, willing to use a knife to cut away our sin and self-indulgence.
Our own efforts produce only superficial religious reforms; we don't know ourselves enough and can't tell where to make the cut. We'd never find the places that God's hand so easily finds. Self-love tries to spare itself and doesn't have the courage to make the wound. So the Self must become a patient of God; let it cry out, but see to it that it doesn't stir under the doctor's hand, or it might interfere with the operation's success! It must remain motionless beneath the knife. All that's required of the Self is simply lying there, not resisting a single stroke.
I'm greatly attached to John the Baptist, who completely forgot himself in order to glorify Christ. John pointed only to Him. He was the voice of one crying out in the wilderness to prepare the way for someone greater. He sent Christ all the disciples, and it was this attitude, far more than his external ascetic holiness, that entitled him to be called the greatest among those born of women.
~ F. Fenelon
This is my final letter regarding death to Self. There's other business you must now attend to, and I've already given you much to meditate on.
In all that you do for God, remember your tendency to serve others from a natural generosity and a refined self-love. It may soon turn into dislike and despair. Keep this in mind, and guard yourself.
Have you ever noticed how people in the world, who don't know Christ, can often seem nicer and more generous than those in the Church? But the truth is this: real charity comes from God. It's simple, loving everyone the same way, whether friend or enemy, because it's humble, never thinking of the Self and how it's been treated. This kind of love, born of God, will keep you in your service to others.
In your journey of faith, it's important to remember that it's by circumcision of the heart, rather than by self-effort, that we're made children of Abraham, so that we can leave our native country behind and inherit the Promised Land. With this attitude, you'll be blessed, just as he was. We must leave all behind, and give ourselves over to God, who is nevertheless a jealous God, willing to use a knife to cut away our sin and self-indulgence.
Our own efforts produce only superficial religious reforms; we don't know ourselves enough and can't tell where to make the cut. We'd never find the places that God's hand so easily finds. Self-love tries to spare itself and doesn't have the courage to make the wound. So the Self must become a patient of God; let it cry out, but see to it that it doesn't stir under the doctor's hand, or it might interfere with the operation's success! It must remain motionless beneath the knife. All that's required of the Self is simply lying there, not resisting a single stroke.
I'm greatly attached to John the Baptist, who completely forgot himself in order to glorify Christ. John pointed only to Him. He was the voice of one crying out in the wilderness to prepare the way for someone greater. He sent Christ all the disciples, and it was this attitude, far more than his external ascetic holiness, that entitled him to be called the greatest among those born of women.
~ F. Fenelon
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
The Voice of God in Paradise
Dear Dandler,
Nothing gives me more satisfaction than to see you simple and peaceful. Simplicity brings back the state of Paradise. We may have no worldly pleasures and suffer some pain; but we have no desire for the former and accept the latter with thanksgiving. This inner harmony, this exemption from the fear and torment of self-love, creates contentment, which is more desirable than the temperamental joys found in the world.
So consider your life with God a terrestrial Paradise regained, bought for you by the blood of Jesus, and take good care not to leave it from a vain desire to "know good and evil."
We're never less alone than when we're in the company of a single faithful friend, never less deserted than when in the arms of a lover. God is like this for you in your Paradise. Nothing will satisfy you more than the peace and comfort that comes from God's companionship. All the good in your life, whatever He sends your way, owes its goodness to the Source. So, when you feel your heart breaking out in fountains of joy and praise because of various blessings, you'll find it is the Source that comes to mind.
"God, at different times and in diverse manners has spoken in times past to our fathers by the prophets, and in these last days has spoken to us by His Son." (Hebrews 1:1,2)
Are we any worse off now that the voice of the prophets has ceased? Not at all! Because the voice of Jesus, which creates new life, speaks to our hearts by the Holy Spirit.
Oh, how pure and powerful is the immediate voice of God in our souls!
~ F. Fenelon
Monday, May 13, 2013
Grace and Resistance
Dear Dandler,
Deep in your soul you perceive the demands that grace will cost you, and you still resist Him. This is why you're so distressed at times. You tell yourself it's impossible to follow Christ and do what's required of you, and you despair because you really do want Christ.
Well, feel free to despair about yourself as much as you want, but never despair about God or His ability to get you where you need to be! He is all good, all powerful, and He loves you. By faith, He will grant you what you need. If you believe all things, all things will be yours, and you will move mountains, but if you believe nothing of God, then you'll receive nothing, and in the end, you'll be the one to blame. Look at the Virgin Mary, who didn't hesitate when the most incredible (and, I dare say, potentially stressful) announcement was made to her. Instead, she exclaimed, "let it be to me according to thy word." (Luke 1:38)
In the same way, open your heart to God. You shut it up so frequently that you keep yourself from receiving the power to do what's required of you. At times, you don't want an open heart, because you're afraid of being hurt and disappointed.
How can grace find room in such a stubborn heart? God asks only for honesty in your innermost being, and He will do the rest. All I ask of you is that you rest in God's love and stop listening to the damning words of Self.
Give yourself in humility to God in all things, meditate on His Word to find peace, and everything will gradually be accomplished for you by the Holy Spirit. The obstacles in your life which seemed the greatest during your hour of temptation will eventually be smoothed away, and you'll be left wondering why you ever doubted in the first place.
~ F. Fenelon
Deep in your soul you perceive the demands that grace will cost you, and you still resist Him. This is why you're so distressed at times. You tell yourself it's impossible to follow Christ and do what's required of you, and you despair because you really do want Christ.
Well, feel free to despair about yourself as much as you want, but never despair about God or His ability to get you where you need to be! He is all good, all powerful, and He loves you. By faith, He will grant you what you need. If you believe all things, all things will be yours, and you will move mountains, but if you believe nothing of God, then you'll receive nothing, and in the end, you'll be the one to blame. Look at the Virgin Mary, who didn't hesitate when the most incredible (and, I dare say, potentially stressful) announcement was made to her. Instead, she exclaimed, "let it be to me according to thy word." (Luke 1:38)
In the same way, open your heart to God. You shut it up so frequently that you keep yourself from receiving the power to do what's required of you. At times, you don't want an open heart, because you're afraid of being hurt and disappointed.
How can grace find room in such a stubborn heart? God asks only for honesty in your innermost being, and He will do the rest. All I ask of you is that you rest in God's love and stop listening to the damning words of Self.
Give yourself in humility to God in all things, meditate on His Word to find peace, and everything will gradually be accomplished for you by the Holy Spirit. The obstacles in your life which seemed the greatest during your hour of temptation will eventually be smoothed away, and you'll be left wondering why you ever doubted in the first place.
~ F. Fenelon
Friday, May 10, 2013
Grace in Trials and Temptations
Dear Dandler,
I sympathize with the suffering of your sick friend and with the pain felt by those whom God has placed around her to help her bear the cross. Encourage her to keep trusting in God, and He will allow her to suffer only as much as she can bear, with whatever patience He's given her.
No one can bring about this kind of inner strength except He who made all hearts and whose job it is to strengthen them by His grace. The individual who's being molded by God knows nothing about what's happening in his own life. He can't fathom the will of God or know how long the trials will last or how much grace is needed to meet their challenge, so he becomes easily discouraged and despairing. Like a man who's never seen the ocean, he stands at the coming of the tide, between the water and the sea wall, and starts to think he might be trapped. He doesn't see he's standing at a certain point with a clear boundary, set by God, beyond which the water will not rise.
God tests us this way; He stirs up the ocean, making its waves seem threatening and our destruction imminent. Yet He's always right there to say, "thus far you shall go and no farther," for you see, "God is faithful and will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able." (1 Cor. 10:13).
~ F. Fenelon
I sympathize with the suffering of your sick friend and with the pain felt by those whom God has placed around her to help her bear the cross. Encourage her to keep trusting in God, and He will allow her to suffer only as much as she can bear, with whatever patience He's given her.
No one can bring about this kind of inner strength except He who made all hearts and whose job it is to strengthen them by His grace. The individual who's being molded by God knows nothing about what's happening in his own life. He can't fathom the will of God or know how long the trials will last or how much grace is needed to meet their challenge, so he becomes easily discouraged and despairing. Like a man who's never seen the ocean, he stands at the coming of the tide, between the water and the sea wall, and starts to think he might be trapped. He doesn't see he's standing at a certain point with a clear boundary, set by God, beyond which the water will not rise.
God tests us this way; He stirs up the ocean, making its waves seem threatening and our destruction imminent. Yet He's always right there to say, "thus far you shall go and no farther," for you see, "God is faithful and will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able." (1 Cor. 10:13).
~ F. Fenelon
Thursday, May 9, 2013
How to Die Peacefully
Dear Dandler,
Many Christians are deceived when they believe the death of Self causes their agony. In reality, their suffering is caused by what remains of their old life.
Pain exists in living tissue, not in what's dead. The more suddenly a man dies, the less pain he feels. Death becomes more painful to whoever resists it and prolongs the process. Our imagination exaggerates its terrors; our spirit endlessly argues to keep our old life alive; our self-love fights against death, like a sick man in his final struggle. But the way we die inwardly should be the same as how we want to die externally: quick and painless.
God's judgment of death has fallen on the spirit of man as well as on his body; whoever accepts this humbly will actually receive new life, where the old one has been judged and executed. Our greatest concern should be that our spirits learn to die so that when physical death comes, there will be no fear and no surprises, only a peaceful falling asleep.
Happy are they who sleep this sleep of peace!
~ F. Fenelon
Many Christians are deceived when they believe the death of Self causes their agony. In reality, their suffering is caused by what remains of their old life.
Pain exists in living tissue, not in what's dead. The more suddenly a man dies, the less pain he feels. Death becomes more painful to whoever resists it and prolongs the process. Our imagination exaggerates its terrors; our spirit endlessly argues to keep our old life alive; our self-love fights against death, like a sick man in his final struggle. But the way we die inwardly should be the same as how we want to die externally: quick and painless.
God's judgment of death has fallen on the spirit of man as well as on his body; whoever accepts this humbly will actually receive new life, where the old one has been judged and executed. Our greatest concern should be that our spirits learn to die so that when physical death comes, there will be no fear and no surprises, only a peaceful falling asleep.
Happy are they who sleep this sleep of peace!
~ F. Fenelon
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Practicing for Death
Dear Dandler,
You've learned that we must bear our crosses, and the death of Self is the greatest cross. We're not entirely rid of it until we can tolerate ourselves as simply and patiently as we do our neighbor.
But if we die a little each day, then on our last day alive, we'll have very little to do! If we learn to die now by abandoning ourselves to God, then what we dread in the future will cause us no fear. We'll have had practice!
You see, physical death is really the external reflection of what we truly fear: the destruction of our inner Self. People don't want to die, because it means losing themselves and being powerless to stop it. However, those who learn to die to Self by trusting in God, will be ready to meet this final enemy with faith and hope.
So bear with all your weaknesses, and allow yourself to be dependent on God and the help of others. Oh, how these little daily deaths will completely destroy the power of that final Death!
~ F. Fenelon
You've learned that we must bear our crosses, and the death of Self is the greatest cross. We're not entirely rid of it until we can tolerate ourselves as simply and patiently as we do our neighbor.
But if we die a little each day, then on our last day alive, we'll have very little to do! If we learn to die now by abandoning ourselves to God, then what we dread in the future will cause us no fear. We'll have had practice!
You see, physical death is really the external reflection of what we truly fear: the destruction of our inner Self. People don't want to die, because it means losing themselves and being powerless to stop it. However, those who learn to die to Self by trusting in God, will be ready to meet this final enemy with faith and hope.
So bear with all your weaknesses, and allow yourself to be dependent on God and the help of others. Oh, how these little daily deaths will completely destroy the power of that final Death!
~ F. Fenelon
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